Dear Sobriety

Posted on January 16, 2020January 16, 2020 by monicatbd · 13 Comments

Day 791 – What a Pain!

Dear Sobriety,

f0eccec3c036c275ba0ce6b1daec7352 The last few months I’ve been dealing with shoulder pain that has gotten progressively worse. I’ve been working with my chiro on it for a while and while he’s been able to help a bit, this sucker has continued to go down hill, so I finally sucked it up and went to a shoulder specialist on January 2. X-rays showed nothing, so it’s got to be tendonitis or something along those lines. He gave me a sheet with exercises and said to take Aleve and if it’s not better in five weeks, come back and he’ll do an MRI.

What did I do? I wish I had an incredible story to tell you. Something involving unicorns, trolls and a great treasure that I went on an amazing and treacherous quest for, but unfortunately, I’m thinking it’s just really bad posture and too much cell phone play. It’s my right shoulder which is my dominant side. I can definitely notice the pain spikes when I’m at my desk mousing around at work or bebopping on my phone. It hurts worse with smaller movements rather than larger. I have great range of motion and really haven’t lost any strength, but dang!! Doing nothing with it is a killer!

I’m doing my best to stay positive, but it’s getting really difficult to not try and beg pain pills from a doctor somehow. The little addiction monster was sitting right next to me during this doctor appointment. It took all I had to keep it from screaming for some type of meds to quiet this pain. Unfortunately, if I had some, it surely would quiet the pain (temporarily), but that monster’s voice would grow epic proportions with each dose. Then each dose would get closer and closer together until I was out of a month’s supply in a week. Been there before.

By the time that prescription bottle was empty, there’s a much higher chance that some other bottle would be in my hand trying to chase away the pain. By that time, guilt, depression and anxiety would be through the roof and then some. It’s really scary for me to even think of it. But it is the truth.

Funny thought I just had: when I was in my first marriage, my ex would dole out my psych pills to me each day (I was taking a lot at the time). He literally had them locked in a safe that I didn’t know the combination for. It’s funny because he would keep them all locked up except the Xanax which I had a bottle of in my purse and in my bathroom. You never know when you might need to put yourself in a fog, ya know? Sure, some of the psych meds you could overdose on, but the amount of alcohol I was mixing with my normal psych meds plus the amount of Xanax that was actually prescribed to me daily… it is amazing #1 I’m still alive and #2 my liver is doing as well as it is.

There was a time that I daily mixed alcohol, Xanax and ambien. Wow…

So right now I feel like this shoulder pain is kinda a test of sobriety. Is something serious wrong? No. Not really. Is my HP (Higher Power, if you’ve just started reading) taking this time to test my patience and will to see if I will actually commit to making a positive change? I think so.

Positive Change Word Cloud, Made With Text Only

I started seeing a new General Practitioner (GP) on Tuesday. I decided to change docs cause my last one had a terrible, dead fish handshake (yes, I will judge you immediately by the way you shake hands with me) and while he was fine, he wasn’t the right fit for me. I did a little research and found a younger, female internist and made the switch. She immediately called me out for smoking and while she gave up trying to encourage me to quit during that appointment because she could see that scare tactics won’t work on me, I have to admit that she planted a seed.

I’ve quit before in the past. The longest was five years during my first marriage. It was a choice between smoking or get bitched at on a regular basis, so I quit. As soon as the decision was made that we were separating, I started up again. Because that’s “who I am”. Well, I’ve learned a lot in these last 791 days. Alcohol doesn’t make my decisions for me anymore, so maybe it’s time to take the leap and kick the cigs out too?

Obviously, I know smoking is terrible for me and it’s just another emotional crutch. I’m not quitting today and probably not tomorrow either, but the seed has been planted and I’ve thought about quitting more the last two days than I have in a long time… We shall see how quickly it takes to take root…

Sending love and good vibes to all!
Monsy & the Cats

ac79344dce55e0614ce818aaa1d96579

Posted on January 13, 2020January 13, 2020 by monicatbd · 11 Comments

Day 782 – I Call BullSh!t

Dear Sobriety,

Read at your own risk. Suicide mentioned below.

When my parents and I are on the phone, we often end up discussing every single aspect of recovery. My parents are not addicts, thankfully, so they often ask my opinion on things they’ve heard or just questions in general. My parents know pretty well everything about me – good, bad and ugly – and I’m not ashamed of any of my past or my beliefs, so I don’t mind sharing with them my opinions or lessons learned. I can’t remember how we got on the subject, but my mom mentioned that she hopes that down the road of recovery I don’t ever think to myself, “One drink is ok,” because she knows the guilt that would come over me if/when that drink ever happens would damn near kill me. I was honest and I said if that ever happens, I can guarantee that I will either drink myself to death within a week or commit suicide within the same timeframe. I am beyond serious. I can feel that in my bones. For me, at this point, I truly feel that I am one drink away from death and I’m a smidge over two years sober.

So what does this have to do with the title of this blog? I’m so glad you asked! When I hear people say, “I just wanted to have one ____” (fill in with your drug of choice), all I want to do is yell, “BULLSH!T!” When I wanted to drink, I wanted to get DRUNKITY DRUNK DRUNK and it’s going to take more than one, two, three, four or five to get me there. I mean, isn’t that the point of drinking? Also, if I’m going to relapse then I am going to REEEEEEEEEElapse. I mean, if you’re going to do it, do it right. Am I right??

Maybe I need to take a step back and look at this differently?

Thinking

Nope. Can’t do it. My opinions are clouding this subject up too much. I’m curious to see what other people think. Agree, disagree or indifferent, I am intrigued. Plus, I enjoy hearing others’ opinions. Hell, I thought every person in recovery who lived alone was lying about being sober at one point. That’s because at the same time I was in “recovery”, living alone and drinking after meetings.

One is too many and a million is not enough.

And now for something completely different: meditation. Along with my gratitude jar, I’m really working on making meditation a daily healthy habit. It isn’t easy, but as I go along and don’t give up, it’s getting easier and, if nothing else, it’s very relaxing. Although, I do have to say that trying to meditate on the couch with cats crawling all over you is a bit disruptive. I have to find the balance between their chi and my chi. I found it last night though and that was my best session yet. Looking forward to tonight.

The app I use (and even purchased) is Calm. It’s super user friendly and the people reading during the guided meditations have nice, soothing voices. It’s nice to not want to claw your ears off during a session. They do have a free version, if you’re interested. Click here.

Posted on January 12, 2020 by monicatbd · 6 Comments

Day 787 – Growing Gratitude

Dear Sobriety,

One post it at a time, one day at a time, one second at a time, whatever your pace, do recovery your way.

I just read a blog the other day about a fellow writer relapsing. I’ve been there before… multiple times. I know exactly how those feelings seem to take over and you almost go into this autopilot mode. Before I knew it, I had purchased something to drink and had already started revving the engine on active addiction once again.

The guilt was more than overwhelming. The disappointment in myself rocked me to my core.

What I want to say about this is that it’s still possible to put a positive spin on it: you were sober for X many days longer than you would have been if you wouldn’t have tried. Now you’ve got to find your motivation to make recovery not only “stick”, but how to make it the thing you love most about yourself. I know without sobriety, there’s no way I would’ve baked cookies this weekend! Now I’m enjoying the fruits of my labor!

Find your “why”.

PS, my gratitude jar is growing so quickly!!

Posted on January 7, 2020January 7, 2020 by monicatbd · 5 Comments

Day 782 – Day-to-Day

Dear Sobriety,

51ojxqIb4yL._SX384_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg Goodness me oh my! I took last Thursday and Friday off as vacation days to give myself a mini break so I can kick the new year off with a bang at work. Unfortunately, I feel like I did myself a disservice by doing that.

Working in any type of corporate environment, you’ll see overheard cost savings put in place all the time. One of them recently has been to cut excess overtime. Aside from missing the extra cash on a paycheck, I didn’t really see this affecting me any other way. Now I know better.

After just two days of work this week, I feel like my normal pace of crazy has mainlined speed. My normal routine of getting to my desk at 5:30a and being the first one there without any distractions, then working through lunch has gone kaput. Now I’m walking in at 6:55a when fires are already burning swiftly around me and then it’s a constant blistering pace all the way to 4:00p.

There’s no more slow build up of the day’s intensity. It’s walk in with phones ringing and emails flying at me. It’s really messing with my chi and I’m not sure how to slow it down. I work in a pretty fast paced environment as it is, but WOW. This is even impressing me. So what to do?

Sure, I could complain, but is that really going to get me anywhere? Probably not, so there’s no sense in it. I thought about this yesterday and I’m hoping that this “compressed” work day for me is going to help me create new ways to focus more intensely on the task at hand and work on my prioritization. I have to say, though, it has been a challenge to say the least. Fortunately, the fact that I love not only my job, but also the majority of the people I work with is very motivating.

I can see where the upper management is coming from though. The fact that we all are constantly working overtime really kills the work/life balance and that seems to be a key part of why they’re mandating this. It makes sense. I feel like I get an extra day at home during my mornings, so that’s been nice.

The good part about being sober when all of this is going on is being able to think logically about the entire situation from different angles. When I was in active addiction, I would have immediately started up with, “The ‘man’ is out to get the little people again!” and it would have just gone down hill from there. Being able to “flip the script” is definitely a blessing. Seeing this as an opportunity to continue to better myself is amazing.

Not drinking is just the beginning of sobriety. Changing the way you think is much more difficult, but you reap rewards nearly instantaneously.

bdd4803b547f9e008f73c4e1ab082d10

Edit: I literally opened my new calendar after writing this and here’s what 1/1/20 was:

Posted on January 6, 2020 by monicatbd · 3 Comments

Day 781 – Keepin It Real

Dear Sobriety,

I have started and erased today’s blog three different times with three different topics. Amazingly the title was applicable to all. That’s pretty good cause sometimes when I title a blog, it’s not really related to anything at all in the writing.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with another woman in recovery the other day when I had mentioned that my recovery doesn’t operate well having a “sponsor”. She asked me why and I said, “Well, I’ve always relapsed every time I’ve had one.” Then she asked why I think that is and I immediately went to the blame game, but quickly got honest with myself before I opened my mouth. Instead of going off on why this or that sponsor hasn’t worked for me I said, “Because I wasn’t done drinking.” And that’s the truth right there.

Do I think me having a sponsor would work now? I honestly don’t know, but I do know that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Also, for today, without a sponsor, but with a kicka$$ HP, great support system, fantastic therapist and the right meds, I am sober. I’m the only person who can keep me from taking the first drink, but it takes a village to keep my head straight.

Sobriety is sobriety is sobriety. Just because it works for one person one way doesn’t mean it’s going to be the same for the next person. My thought is that as long as you’re staying sober and not being an a$$hole (yes, BOTH items are key), then you’re on the right path for YOU. However, if someone is questioning your program and that’s causing you to question your program, then it may be time for a change. Maybe just a tune up or maybe a whole damn overhaul.

Sometimes I need more help than others. Sometimes I don’t. There’s more than one way to skin a cat and all. Just find the right way for you.

This is HOW I work my program:

Honest
Open
Willing

Posted on January 5, 2020January 5, 2020 by monicatbd · 4 Comments

Day 780 – The Gift of Gratitude

Dear Sobriety,

Being grateful has not always been an easy thing for me until I started getting sober. Even then, I had to go through so many layers of acceptance before gratitude started seeping into my brain. Even NOW, I have difficulties with it at times, so I decided to try something different to kick off my 2020.

Let’s start by defining “Being Grateful” Monica style:

Being f**king thankful for schtuff.

One of my coworkers gave me the cutest little travel gratitude pack which inspired me to start a gratitude jar. But even the most adorable and convenient item won’t get me motivated to actually follow through with a goal. For me, in order to continue doing something enough to make a new healthy habit out of it, I need to be able to see the progress, so I chose a clear jar. To make it even more fun, I found some hot pink post-its and a purple pen (cause who doesn’t have those things just laying around their home) and put them all right next to each other in an easy line of sight as well as a spot where I repeatedly pass by when I’m at home. This will continually remind me to keep adding to it and also, when I’m not feeling so happy with life – since the jar is glass – I can literally see all the things that I have written down and watch how that jar continues to fill up.

I’ve thought about doing an exercise like this for a few years now, but either have been too lazy or… well, just been too lazy. I’m going to use the travel gratitude pack to keep in my purse when I need some gratitude on the go. I can write it down (sorry if my typing is crazy right now, I just had a 9 lb floof crawl onto my arms because she likes to help) and add it to my jar when I get home.

To me, this is a cheap and easy way to start giving yourself the gift of gratitude. Short on cash? Here’s a way to build your own el cheap-o verion:

Paper: Use scrap paper (think envelopes from bills, free mailers, free local papers, used wrapping paper, receipts, etc). If you’ve got colored post-it’s at home like me, more power to ya!
Jar: the jar I’m using is from flowers that my cats *ahem parents* sent me for my birthday, so it was free to me! Don’t have that? Go to a resale shop. They have tons of mason jars for much cheaper than a store.
Pen: Ummmm… I mean, a pen. Hit the dollar store. Boom! Nailed it!
Things to write down: this is the fun part cause GRATITUDE IS FREE!! WOOT WOOT!! Better than the jelly of the month club cause it really is the gift that keeps on giving! (Where are my National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation fans at?!)

I’ve been writing one thing down each day since New Year’s Eve and I’m super excited to say that they’re already starting to add up! I added a date to mine, so that if and when I decide to read them, I can read how my mindset was at the time and also compare it to how it is at present.

Want to make a gratitude on the go? Go get some Altoids, eat them, keep the tin, decorate it and find a teeny, weeny writing utensil and pad of paper to put inside. Ta da! Gratitude on the go and your breath is curiously strong! Well, curiously strong with mint.

So there you go! Easy, practically free and something to keep your mind on the positive.

Soon, I’ll be “overflowing” with gratitude!

Posted on January 4, 2020November 17, 2020 by monicatbd · 8 Comments

Day 779 – A Change in Perspective

Dear Sobriety,

No matter how hard I try to sleep in on the weekend or days off, the cats always manage to get me up to feed them before 5:30a and by that time, the Keurig is already warmed up, so I may as well have a cup o’ coffee. Also, (call it cheesey or whatevs) mornings are my favorite times to spend with my kitties cause they always seem to be extra cute and snuggly. I compare it to a sleepy human kid when all they want to do is go back to bed, but they need extra snuggles first. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about today.

best-sobriety-quotes-11

Something I just thought about this morning while I’m still enjoying Guy’s Grocery Games is how much my taste in movies/tv has changed since getting sober.

When I would binge, I would usually put on horror movies and just sit there and laugh while I watched the carnage. Especially Rob Zombie movies which some people consider a little too bloody and out there for their taste. To each his own and all. Now don’t get me wrong, I still love me some Rob Zombie. In fact, if I had to make a top five movie list, I’m certain that The Devil’s Rejects would absolutely make it on there. I’ve just noticed in the past few months which shows/movies I’m now gravitating to and I find it interesting.

I still love me some good horror, but strangely enough I found myself watching holiday movies throughout November and December. I don’t even mean holiday movies with a twist (aka Gremlins and the like). What my “normal” used to be was the more family driven the season, the more terrifying the movies would get. Fascinating, huh? To me, it kinda makes sense. My head was in a terribly dark place, so if I saw happiness anywhere around me, I had to counter that when I was alone.

The last few months I’ve even cut down on the amount of drama I’ve been taking in by trading Real Housewives to every type of episode of the Great British (or American) Baking Show. I’m still smiling and laughing through these, but now I’m feeling genuine happiness while I’m watching instead of glee at seeing Paris Hilton’s head impaled in House of Wax. SPOILER ALERT! Oop! I was supposed to do the spoiler thing before I mentioned the spoiler? Oh well. It’s not like I change it now.

So anyway, there’s my fun fact about how sober Monica is slightly different than drunk Monica.

Another thing I wanted to mention since it is the new year and resolutions pop up all over the place and people get all insane with them until they don’t is a quote from Vanilla Sky that I think I’ve mentioned before,

Every passing second is another chance to turn it all around.

inspirational-quotes-about-work-first-steps-to-change-quote-about-alcoholism-sobriety-addiction-recovery You want to make a change, but it’s not the new year/Monday/a new moon yet? Did you realize that you can choose to start making changes any time? The day that sobriety started kicking in for me, 11/16/17, was a Thursday.

I don’t know how many times I would push off trying to make any change in my life until Monday or the new year. Why? If you have the motivation and the mind and body are ready to back it up (or are just sick and tired of being sick and tired), don’t wait. Capitalize on that sh!t. The right time is the right time. Stop questioning and Nike that sh!t. Just Do It.

Posted on January 3, 2020January 3, 2020 by monicatbd · 1 Comment

Day 778 – STOP

Dear Sobriety,

I know a lot of times that this blog ends up being more sunshine and rainbows than anything else, but I really try to be relatable with real life situations because… this is the crap that is or has gone on in my real life. I don’t rant often on here just because that isn’t what comes out of my fingers when I type. Or when I start to, I try to put a positive spin on it because sh!t is always going to happen. How you deal with it is what is important.

For instance, I think the gods of the blogging world were against me tonight when I tried to get my laptop fired up to find the battery was dead. I could have said screw it and given up right then, but I didn’t. I grabbed the charger and brought it with me to my deck to plug in, but then it wouldn’t seat itself properly into the plug, so I had to smash it into the outlet a few times and then finally I had power. Then I started up, but then everything just shut down on me and I could have said screw it again and went back to watching Guy’s Grocery Games, but I didn’t. I shut the lid to my laptop, opened it back up and, for now, I have power and things seem to be working properly. If this doesn’t work, I will precariously type this sucker out on my app on my phone because by this point I’m invested in this blog and d@mmit! I’M GONNA F**KING WRITE IT! So there’s one example.

Another one that happened today was that I took my trash out and grabbed my mail and saw two letters from the whole identity theft nonsense that started back in September. I opened them up assuming I was going to read, “Yes, we received all your paperwork and we apologize for the idiocy you have had to go through due to our mistake. You’re good now. High five. Peace and don’t forget to buy crap from us in the future.” But despite being about the same length as what was contained in the letters, unfortunately, it was not what was contained within them.

Instead, it said, “We’ve received everything you’ve submitted and we don’t believe that this is truly fraudulent activity, so you’ll be receiving a bill from us soon. Oh and here’s an 800 number to call and sit on hold for a long time while listening to terrible hold musak and thinking you’ll be able to speak with a real person. Ta ta, sucka!!” Needless to say, after reading this a few times and the letter not spontaneously changing its verbiage in the slightest, I was a bit p!ssed.

Welcome to choice #1: Do nothing? Or do something?

I called the 800 number. With this going on so long, I want to get this over with as quickly as possible. I followed the prompts while smoke was coming out of my ears and everything that tends to audibly irk me (loud cars being key here since I was obviously outside on my deck smoking) was creating noise around me while I was sitting on hold.

Choice #2: Continue to hold? Try something else? I waited a few minutes and finally gave up thinking, “Screw this. I’ll call the employee at the store who had video evidence that I was not the person who made these purchases.” And I did. Since it was 6:30p on a Friday, he was already off work, so I asked the employee who answered the phone to please leave a message to call me back and he said he would. I rarely trust people when they say that, so I’ll be following up tomorrow.

Choice #3: Call the 800 number back and wait longer? Call my parents because – while I don’t want this to cause them undue worry – I really have to talk to someone right now? I called my parents and vented for a bit until I realized that I had actually caused them undue worry. Sh!t. That really wasn’t my intention.

Choice #4: Try the 800 number again and rant to someone while sitting on hold for 15 minutes and am absolutely fuming? At this point, I thought that was my only choice cause I really wanted to end this matter and be able to get everything closed out and then be able to call my parents and say, “Guys! Figured it out. No need for worry! They screwed up again!” Well, it actually wasn’t my only choice. While I was sitting on hold on my deck, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to concentrate if I was listening to traffic, so despite wanting to continue to smoke (which is only going to increase my anxiety), I moved my butt inside where it’s warm and there are kitties. I put the call on speaker and started watching my show again and thought, “Hey, girl. You need to calm the f**k down because if someone answers the phone, you are not going to be able to talk with them in a rational manner, so you need to figure out something.”

So I did.

Choice #4 Re-do: Continue with the original choice #4? STOP?! I chose to STOP! My mind had gotten way out of control. Had anyone answered that phone, they would have gotten a piece of my mind and all of my neighbors would have known. I realized I needed to STOP and I did. I hung up, took a deep breath, called my parents back and essentially said, “I had my ticket ready to get on the crazy train and I’m sorry. Here is my plan on what I’m going to do tomorrow and for tonight, I am going to sit back, feed the cats some wet food and watch my show and read my book because I am not doing anyone any favors by letting myself spin out of control.” And that’s the truth.

d3ee6174-043c-4032-aeb7-7f3637b48b5c-large16x9_limericksign2.png I put STOP in all caps because that is literally how I feel it pops up in my head. Flashing lights and all. Would I have been able to do this while I was drinking? I can without a doubt say NO to that. When I was in active addiction, I had no choices because I didn’t give myself any except drink, drink more, drink now.

Think about that the next time something stresses you out. Despite the fact that it’s obviously a stressor, there’s more than one way to skin a cat (sorry, kitties) when you’re sober.

Posted on December 13, 2019December 13, 2019 by monicatbd · 9 Comments

Day 757 – Temptation Schmeptation

Dear Sobriety,

I cannot believe I forgot to tell ya’ll this thing that happened the other day! Essentially, temptation came up to me, slapped my a$$ and asked if I was down to get down and dirty for a while. My response… was……………………………. Well, I did title this blog Day 757, soooooo…

I have a coworker who comes in from out of town every once in a while to be hands on with the project he’s working on. This past trip he was here for a little less than two months, so he got pretty comfy in his hotel room. The day he left, he brought me a big box of stuff that he said I could either keep, share or trash, but he didn’t just want to it all away because a lot of it was unopened food items he’d purchased.

Well, I love crap and random crap even more, so I got super excited. After he left, I tore into that box like a kid on Christmas morning. “Ohhhh!! Honey! Salt and pepper grinders! Hot sauce! Yes! We can use all of this in the galley!” And then I saw it… an unopened bottle of Malibu rum staring me straight in the face.

homer-dilema

Now most of my local coworkers know I don’t drink and most of those that know that fact also know that I don’t drink because I’m an alcoholic. This guy, being from our out-of-town location, probably isn’t privy to that knowledge because most our of convos are based around travel arrangements or other such business related nonsense.

SO WHAT HAPPENED, MONICA?!

Well, I’ll tell ya!

What surprised me most was the first thought that ran through my head when I held that bottle in my hand at 9:00a, “Hmmmm… I wonder if anyone’s going to really want this.” W T F. That threw me for a loop because what I would have normally starting thinking would have been along the lines of, “Do I have any sick days left because I need to leave right now and drain this mother f**king bottle into my mouth?”, or possibly, “How in the f**k can I fit this entire bottle of booze in my eentsy, beantsy glittery Kate Spade bag and out to my car without people noticing?”, or even, “I’ve never drank at work, but I could prob mix this with something and no one would notice for a while and then I could pretend to be sick and leave and fill up with other “refreshments” on the drive home…”

Instead, I was more concerned about who would want a bottle of coconut rum rather than how much *I* wanted a bottle of coconut rum. I astonished myself even more when I realized I wasn’t p!ssed about this person giving this *scoff* bottle of alcohol to me, a woman in recovery. I mean, shouldn’t he know better?! Instead of my disease rearing its ugly head and taking over all control of my mind and body, the bottle was just a bottle of booze that I wasn’t interested in. W T F. That’s so f**king cool and exciting!

Just when I think I’ve run all out of surprises in this sobrietal (real word) journey, another one pops up and reminds me how much I have grown and how much I am still growing.

Ya know how people say that those who lose weight and keep it off make lifestyle changes instead of constantly trying fad diets? Well, that’s kinda how I feel about my sobriety today. It is a complete and utter lifestyle change. Sure, I changed the people, places and things around me at the beginning to keep myself out of temptation’s way. The thing is that now, for me, I’ve started to realize that this isn’t just something I have to do in order to live, it’s something I want to do, so a lot of things that would have tempted me in early sobriety (ie free bottle of booze) no longer tickles my disease into high gear.

During the first few months *cough* – like double digit months – I was absolutely p!ssed about how alcohol was so readily available and essentially slapping me in the face everywhere I went. Now? Well, the availability of alcohol hasn’t changed. In fact, now alcohol delivery is a real option available in my area. The thing that has changed is me. Little ol’ me.

Drinking has become more of a part of life that I am choosing to not partake in because it is no longer a part of my lifestyle. Whereas before, alcohol was not only a disease running rampant in my body and mind, it was actually a terrible habit. What do I do after work? Go to the liquor store and stock up for the evening. What do I do on Sunday Funday? Day drink, obviously. It wasn’t just my disease that was running the show; it was also the fact that I was living on auto-pilot for so long that I didn’t want to upset my routine. I wasn’t aware that there was another option.

Now what do I do after work? Re-freaking-lax, my friends! Like watch my shows, read a book, hang with my kitty cats or grocery shop, for goodness sakes! Feed myself food! Normal stuff! AND I FREAKING LOVE IT!

Sobriety has been a struggle for me for a few years. It sometimes still is even today! The thing is that being sober for a couple of days in a row has shown me how much better my life is without alcohol making my decisions for me.

Sobriety is worth it for me because I am worth it.

01edd895a367344eba645ab2b946ca38

Posted on December 1, 2019 by monicatbd · 2 Comments

Day 745 – Video Review

Dear Sobriety,

My iPhone dinged at me this morning letting me know there was a 2019 in review video of my pics on my phone. Not sure if the sound will come thru, but I love this.

2019 has been up and down, but as long as I’m smiling and moving forward, then it’s been worth it to live it sober. 🥰🥰🥰