Day 1,167 – Vacation Day from Hell

Dear Sobriety,

It’ll be a miracle if we’re still talking later. I took the day off today to go for my annual primary care visit as well as a follow up from my neck doctor. I assumed I would be getting a blood draw, so prior to my 9:30a PCP appointment, I guzzled about 85 oz of water. (That’s 10 oz over my daily goal of 75 oz). I’ve learned it’s easier to draw blood from me when I’m water logged, so I make it a point to do this prior to every blood draw that I know about. Seeing as how I’ve had some white blood cell count issues, I’m used to the drill.

Also, you might need to know that most women will schedule one doctor appointment around the time of their period. That would be the OB-GYN because there’s going to be some action happening in that area and, for me, I feel better and less gross when she doesn’t have to deal with blood when she’s already dealing in my hoo-ha area. I do not schedule a PCP appointment around my period, so it was just dumb luck that I happened to be on it today.

9:27a arrive at PCP office, check in, update my insurance card on file.

9:32a go back to patient room, blood pressure check, chit chat with the overtalkative nurse going over my meds with me. I had my shoes off to get weighed. When I sat down after my BP was checked, I started putting them back on and the nurse told me that I need to keep them off and strip down to my panties and put the gown on that has been so nicely set aside. My first thought is, “wtf kind of appointment is this?” I had previously seen this doctor twice. Neither time have I been asked to derobe. I do it anyway.

9:38a awkwardly sitting on the exam table in the gown. Pain shooting through my body from my neck and trying not to bleed on anything.

9:40a it is so freaking hot in here and that is not helping at all. Start sweating and breathing erratically through my face mask.

9:45a hear someone making a phone call… is that… is that my doctor doing a telehealth call with a patient when I’m already 15 min over my appointment time sitting naked in her office trying to stop squirming and fearful there’s going to be a spot underneath me when I get up.

9:50a it is a Telehealth call. Oh that’s wonderful that that woman is a vegetarian. I have got to get up and move around. Stiffness is soaking in everywhere. I get up and rearrange my clothes that I had haphazardly thrown on the chair when changing into the robe assuming that the doctor would be in shortly and I sit on the side chair. No blood spots so far. Thank goodness it’s a light day.

10:00a F*CK THIS SHIT! I cannot breathe in this mask. The telehealth call is STILL going on. I give her 5 more minutes. Pain is literally shooting through my body. I’m don’t even want to amuse myself by looking through the cabinets.

10:05a I start putting my clothes on. Throw the gown on the sink where I got it. I have to get out of here. I cannot breathe. Everything hurts. F*ck this. I’m out. Dressed and out the door. No one notices. I’m 15 minutes into my drive home before I get a call from the doctor’s office. They must have noticed I left finally.

I’m so glad I left. I ugly cried the whole time home. I probably shouldn’t have driven at all. I was literally convulsing from how strong the sobs were being retched through my body.

Finally at home. Called mom and dad. First thing mom says is, “Do you want us to come over?” God I love my parents. Always there no matter what. They talked me off the ledge and I finally calmed down. The kitties got wet food and I’m about to head out the door for the neck doctor. If it’s anything like the PCP, there will most definitely be a part two to this.

Forgive me for the horrific grammar. I just needed to get this out.

Oh and just realized that I have been pushing out of my mind that my very favorite teacher in the world passed away from a short bout with cancer. She was such a beautiful soul.

Jeeze louis. Here’s hoping part two is much better than part one.